One of the things I love about covering local politics is that you just never know when the tiniest of agenda items is going to erupt in a full-scale war. Tonight, it was the new Portsmouth Girls Softball dugouts at Glen Park that escalated to Missiles of October level, thanks to an intemperate remark by Tailgunner Gleason. But let me step back and make a cursory attempt at the 5Ws and an H.

With about 35 citizens in attendance, the Portsmouth Town Council ran through a diverse agenda in their two-hour meeting tonight, celebrating achievements, deliberating some items of concern, and hearing a strategic planning report from their Economic Development Committee (PEDC). That report, a phase-one cut at what Portsmouth is, and where we should be going, is so rich that I'll provide a followup post with more detail, but I'll say just one word here: Sewers. In one PEDC chart, a SWOT analysis, the committee identified this as the top, most urgent weakness the town faces.

But enough about our intractable problem. <cough sewer district cough > The meeting had its positive moments, with a celebration of Girl Scout Gold Award winner Hope Valloney (Yaay, Hope!) the achievement of Gary Crosby, who passed his certification as a planner (Yay, Gary!) and the retirement of firefighter David Harris (Yaay, David!) after 20 years. In a classy move, Dennis Canario urged Chief Lynch to work out a time for him to personally present Harris with a token of the Council's thanks. And I think we all share that thought — I feel safe, and feel like our son is safe, because of our great Police and Fire departments, and anyone who has served this town for that long deserves all of our thanks.

But happiness is a fleeting state at Council meetings, and as soon as they got into the appointment agenda, things got back to normal. The Council had voted to expand the membership of the Portsmouth Redevelopment Agency, in part because short-time member Alan Shers's reappointment had been bumped by Mary Ann Edwards. But instead of looking favorably on Sher's re-application, the council voted for a slate including "Magic Xylophone" Kesson, one explanation being that Shers was on other committees. Which he volunteered for when the Council failed to reappoint him to the PRA. Confused? That's okay, it's not a big deal. His skills are still being utilized. But for me, it just rubbed salt in the wound.

The Council then considered a mooring fee change, but deferred action until after a public hearing. "This is a smoke and mirrors processing fee," said Council President Dennis Canario. "[The citizens] deserve processing paperwork without a fee." And then, all hell broke loose.

The agenda item looked innocent: Softball field dugouts/Glen Park. But when Grace Kinnunen of the Glen Park Committee started to describe the backstory, things started to drift quickly. The nut of the issue seemed to be that the dugouts had been built 29 feet long, but some on the committee thought they were promised to be 14. "The committee didn't pick up on the length...it went through the whole process. We didn't clarify 'footprint.'" The Council, who also didn't see it coming, kept trying to understand the issue. Was it okay? "It's not totally okay," said Kinnunen.

Then Karen Menenzies, the Secretary of the Glen Park Association tore it open. "They agreed to 14 feet — they built 29 feet. That was just simply wrong. When we ask for a decision and they don't do what they are supposed to do."

That was all Tailgunner Gleason needed. "I thought that you were going to ask that they be removed, and I would have supported you on that. You're setting precedent. I think they did it deliberately. This is going to happen again."

John Hamilton, the Portsmouth Little League VP of Softball, was in the row behind me, getting visibly agitated. He tried to get the floor, but Canario cut him off by attempting to move the question. After some back and forth on Robert's Rules, they let him talk.

"We did not do it deliberately," said Hamilton, "We did exactly what we asked [the Council]." In their letter to the Council, dated 6 June 2006 which Hamilton provided, it clearly says, "The enclosed dugouts will only replace the perimeter of the chain link fence." Which was — you guessed it — 29 feet.

"I have a letter that I wrote and signed," said Hamilton. "I cannot stand being told I lied."

Tailgunner tried the Bush/WMD defense: "The information that was given to me was in black and white. If the information that was given to me was wrong..."

Former Town Solicitor Vernon Gorton, also a League official, put it plainly. "We didn't promise anything smaller," he said. "Listen to the [Council meeting] tape."

See why I love going to these meetings?

Then came the heartwrenching part of the evening. A group from Prudence Island came to plead their case before the Council for keeping their school. Canario made it clear that the Council was not going to interfere with the duly-elected School Committee's processes, but encouraged them to speak. And speak they did, from the heart.

"We feel so strongly," said Prudence Islander Kathy Holme, "We did everything the School Committee asked us to do to keep it open — maintenance, volunteer teachers, volunteer labor. We set up a working committee and came up with ideas, but we were never given an opportunity to present them." They talked about the PowerPoint deck they had put together, and Canario gave them ten minutes before the SC budget meeting Wednesday night to present that.

Islander Pat Rossi urged the Council, "I ask you as a Council to keep in mind our youngest residents. We are all one town, but there are certain things that don't make sense to do with your youngest residents." Like waking them up at 5am to put them on a boat, to be taken far away from their parents, for a ten-hour day.

Their hearing before the RI Dept of Ed is coming up at 10 am on May 22, and they will have another whack at the School Committee on Wednesday evening, which should be just as sad and agonizing as the last one. One correction: Bob Marshall from Prudence said that one of the School Committee members said 'he would probably get yelled at, but he was sure that the committee could find the 75K to keep the school open.' What Mr. Marshall is misremembering is that Jamie Heaney said he would probably get yelled at, but he thought that they could get money by asking for a 1% giveback on health insurance. As Vernon Gorton said, go listen to the tape. Personally, I hate the decision to close Prudence, but hanging your argument on something Jamie Heaney says...

And here's an interesting question. Did Pete "Cryptkeeper" McIntyre violate the open meetings law? [UPDATE: No, according to an attorney I spoke with who is familiar with RI Open Meetings law. Ignore this paragraph. -jm] Advertised on the agenda was an innocuous item that proposed moving up the day the Town Council gets their packet of meeting materials from Friday to Thursday. Amid some give and take, he amended that motion to include a completely separate requirement, that all agenda items have backup. I didn't get a chance to ask the Town Solicitor whether that was within the scope of the advertised item, which was quite specific: "Request to discuss changing agenda deadline for Town Council Meeting packets." If the PCC wants to play hardball with Open Meetings laws, I'm just as complaint-happy as Cheshire Kathy. Any lawyers out there?

There ensued some granstanding by Tailgunner Gleason, who insisted that the Planning Office Update be moved from the consent agenda so she could grill Robert Gilstein for ten minutes. The only useful thing that came out of that was that it gave Dennis Canario, my hero for the evening, the opportunity to instruct Gilstein to get the lights working on Park Ave. again. RIDOT was of the opinion that since they were going to put some additional lights in, they would just come once to fix the old ones, but Canario was firm. "Call them tomorrow," he said. For that, he gets immunity in the next challenge.

As I said, I have left the PEDC phase one report for a more substantive post, once I digest their materials. Tomorrow night, there is a workshop at CCRI Newport on roundabouts, as well as a School Committee meeting. And Wednesday, it will be all hands on deck (Parents, take note!) for the School Committee Budget (if you care about having warrant money for technology for your kids, please show up.)