It is with great sadness I must report the passing of Irony (70K BCE-2009), one of the most durable and oft-used figures of speech, following a brief illness. After reading a quote by PCC, Inc. President Larry Fitzmorris, who said, "It is not about the kids, it's about the money," (reported in the Newport Daily News, Tuesday May 26, 2009, pA3, and the Sakonnet Times online) Irony's head exploded like a special effect from a George Romero zombie film.

"Irony was the greatest," said Hyperbole, in prepared remarks which were parroted, nearly word-for-word, by an uncritical newspaper. "Irony could sight-read Bach preludes, was close to perfecting quantum computation, and had a rich, chocolaty goodness that we shall not see the like of again."

In a career spanning nearly the entire history of human communication, Irony had worked with writers as diverse as Sophocles, Swift, and Vonnegut while retaining the human touch and an easy grace. And yet, like most figures of speech, Irony had an unfortunate blind spot which proved to be its undoing.

"I told Irony to be careful, because everyone lies," said Paradox, interviewed while vacationing on Crete, "Including me."

Services will be private with burial to follow in Synecdoche, NY. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to The Litotic Parrhesia Foundation.