With a 3-3 tie vote (Huck Little absent) a motion at tonight's Town Council meeting to enter a stipulated agreement failed, and Peter McIntyre, Karen Gleason, and Dennis Canario committed the citizens of Portsmouth to pursuing Caruolo litigation in the "most protracted and inefficient way possible." (Okay, those were Solicitor Kevin Gavin's exasperated words when a motion to pursue the litigation expeditiously also went down in flames.)

And, you know, I'm not altogether convinced this is a bad thing, given how divided the town is. Perhaps the only way to satisfy the PCC is to give them their day in court and let them get pounded like veal scallopini on Portsmouth's dime. I admit the wisdom (and, yes, even a measure of grim satisfaction) in this, and perhaps Council President Canario really does see it better than I do. But that doesn't mean I'm at all sanguine about the necessity of such a trial.

This morning, I had already arranged my work schedule to get to Providence for the preliminary hearing, but the one-hour snow delay had me standing with Jack, waiting for the Hathaway bus, when I needed to be on the way to Superior Court. It wouldn't have helped, but from the meeting tonight, I know that Gleason and Fitzmorris were there, and they therefore got to spin what Judge Indeglia said.

How the hell did we get to this juncture? The evening started out with a straight-talking presentation by John Parmelee, the accountant hired by the Town Council to review the Portsmouth School books. With many pages of backup, and a clear indication that there might be future savings realizable through a program audit, the Town's accountant stated that there exists a school deficit of $1,130, 877.

"These expenditures," said Parmelee, "Are based on contractual obligations. They are reasonable. Cuts cannot be made. There is no possible way the town would have a case against the school. I highly recommend it be settled. To challenge it would be a totally fruitless effort."

Okay, fair enough. But how about the opposing accountant, the School Committee's Walter Edge. He reviewed number changes since they last presented their findings -- additional special ed costs, and less aid from the Feds for Navy kids, offset by some unspent lines -- and came in with a slightly lower number, $988,851, which took into account an amortized chunk of Medicaid reimbursables. He also supported a negotiated agreement: "It will save the town a couple of hundred K. The best thing for the town is stipulation."

(Is there anybody else who thinks it's a bad sign for your case when your OWN expert has a higher number than the opposition? Never mind...)

But the fun was just starting. Karen Gleason had a question. Oh, not just any old question. A Question that Demanded Asking. A Question that the Citizens of Portsmouth Deserved an Answer To. A Question For The Ages. And she set out to ask that question of Walter Edge, but was stopped by School Committee attorney Stephen Robinson. "I'm advising Mr. Edge not to answer any questions until we decide not to pursue litigation."

But Tailgunner Gleason was not to be put off. For the rest of the meeting, she brought up "my question" every chance she got, reminding everyone that she hadn't been answered. When an audience member asked her if she could just ask the question of the Town accountant, she coyly said no, he couldn't answer it. And she waved those questions for the rest of the night, proffering them up as a res ipso loquitur example of the School Committee's bad faith. "I have here in my hand..."

I did try to find out. After the meeting I asked her, "Oh, c'mon. Can you tell me what the question is?" "I shouldn't tell you," she said, shuffling papers. Then she looked up. "You're not going to put me in a difficult spot, are you?"

Me? Fuck no. I am a responsible member of the fourth estate. But as a blogger who knows a thing or two about filling in ellipses, I can take a pretty good guess about what her question is. Ready? "Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer?

There were sensible voices on the council. Jim Seveney was eminently reasonable. "It's gonna cost us 200K to continue something where both experts have advised us not to take this to court. I want to end this. It's done. Everything else is posturing and politics and nonsense."

And William West, as always, was calm and rational. "We've heard from both firms. I believe that the deficit is what it is. It's time to move on. We have to educate the children of this town -- they are the people who are going to be sitting here in 10 or 20 years, and it behooves us to educate them."

Len Katzman concurred: "The responsible action is clear."

But not to the PCC. Loudy Factmangler took up half of the time allotted for audience comment with his two Very Important Questions: Did the School Committee have sufficient funds at the beginning of the year, and did the School Committee fail to modify their budget to fully implement the cuts of the Tent Meeting.

The Town's own auditor, John Parmelee responded that it really didn't matter much how you got there, "32 million is what it costs to operate the school this year. It is what it is."

Canario cut Larry off there, so some other PCC sock puppets lobbed the usual tirades: "What are you going to say to the voters when you ask for more money for this school system which doesn't rank so high." "Does the School Committee have the right to draft a vision for the schools without the taxpayers having their say?" "The Tiverton school board works for the taxpayers -- I don't get the same feeling here in Portsmouth."

On the other side, Mark Katzman made an impassioned plea for giving a performance audit a chance, and urged civility: "You don't heal wounds with venom." Jack Callahan stuck up for both Edge and Parmelee, "You're not going to get better than those two in this state." And SOS leader Matt Daly pointed out that the initial compromise offer at the tent meeting, 300K off the school budget, was essentially substantiated by the accountants. "I feel pretty good about that."

But that was all preamble. Dennis Canario was the decider, and he laid it out. "Is there a number that the school department needs? I believe there is, and that it lies between the two reports. My opinion is that legally we cannot agree to a stipulated agreement. The figure is going to have to come from a judge."

There was some PCC applause, though what they were applauding was unclear. (Yay! We get to pay more money to lawyers! And go to court!) Let me just say this: Only someone who has never been to court applauds a decision to go there.

Do I find in the PCC's attitude and actions a reflection of the worst chickenhawk wingnuttery of the national Republican Party? Sadly, yes. We see in Portsmouth the crisis of the nation writ small, with ideologue zealots pushing us into ill-advised and expensive actions whose ultimate victims are, sadly, our children. It must stop.

Oh, but it wasn't stopping yet. Once you decide to go to court, you have to decide how aggressively to proceed. Jim Seveny moved to, at the very least, do it efficiently. Oh, but Tailgunner Gleason wasn't satisfied with Town Solicitor Kevin Gavin. She slammed him for not robustly defending her vision of the Town's best interests, and complained, "If we had a litigator, he would agree with me."

Larry Fitzmorris agreed. "If you don't hire a lawyer, you're minimizing our chances," he said, explaining to the Council that they were, well, stupid. "I'm a little bit closer to the case," he said.

Man, I will have to post their amicus brief and the way Robinson totally shredded it. If that's close to the case, I want to be in the parking lot. In Seekonk.

MaryAnn Raymo was incredulous. "You hire an expert, and you don't like their numbers, so you're going to go to court? You're going to spend 200K to get the same answer? You can't just lay off 15 special ed teachers."

"I'm outraged," said Jodi Redlich. "This is a wedge that has been shoved right up..." (She paused, and Matt Daly offered, helpfully, "Our East Main Road.") "But now," she continued, "My outrage turns to embarrassment -- we're taking this town's inability to make decisions to a judge, asking a justice to give us counseling on issues that we should have worked out: 'Our accountants say that this costs $100. Does this cost $100?' I look to you people to move on."

With Len Katzman, for his first time on the Council, abstaining in order to prevent another deadlock, the vote to try to settle the matter quickly went down, 3-2, with Seveney and West holding out.

"We have driven ourselves right down a blind alley," lamented Seveney. "We're looking for something miraculous. I think we're fooling ourselves." But after some procedural wrangling, they managed a majority vote to hire outside counsel and contract Parmelee to do the additional work necessary to prepare for the trial, which begins next Monday, March 5. Yes, as Kevin Gavin said, "It's almost Monday now."

Parmelee, appropriately, had the last word. "I've been listening carefully. If your real goal is to have the judge [not the Town Council] say that this is the number, then you will accomplish that."

And you know what really gets me? After all this kerfuffle, two-and-a-half hours of fighting over how much the schools really cost, the council finally got to the actual agenda for the evening, giving a citation to the volunteer firefighters of Prudence Island for their excellent work in the two difficult and sad January search and rescue efforts (standing ovations for all; great work from both Portsmouth FD and everyone involved!), and then, Town Administrator Bob Driscoll dropped what in any sane meeting would have been a bombshell: Target will be coming to the council with a proposal for a store at West Main and Union.

Here is a genuine challenge and opportunity, a meaty question for our Council. Here is a bald, look-you-in-the-face question about the future of Portsmouth, about our definition as a community. Are we really about a Turnpike Ave Town Center, or are we well, heck, time to admit it to ourselves, just another strip mall. Once the Fall River T-station goes in, hell, we'll be a suburb of Boston, and we need to have all the upscale amenities. Target is just the first mover. Those folks at Carnegie Abbey will want the usual American retail outlets. Will we rise to the occasion, find ways to engage more than just the Usual Suspects with free time who show up to every meeting? Or will we have yet another summer of the Tax Crisis Tango to distract us from the questions that go to our community's very soul.

In case you're wondering, Judge Indeglia's courtroom is at 250 Benefit Street, and the case number is PC06-6249. You can call his clerk at 222-3250 to find out more schedule specifics, but if you're reading this blog, I'm assuming that I'll see you there next Monday. And if you can't, check in Monday night. This is going to be one seriously interesting ride.

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(BTW, here's the answer to the Big Question that the School Committee and their lawyer don't want you to know: "Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gerhsput!" There. Me and Tailgunner Gleason, we stuck it to the man. Don't we all feel better? That will be $200K. Thank you, come again.)